Wednesday, September 03, 2003
LOL @ pointlesswasteoftime's News-skim...
American Literacy Plummets...
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton
...says the National Center for Education Statistics, whose annual survey shows reading achievement at Sub-Affleck levels.
"Americans used to be excellent readers," says confused NCES Chairman Randy Moore. "Our statistics track reading achievement levels at 95%, right up until 1984." Moore presents a chart, which illustrates the sudden dramatic drop in literacity. "After June 1984, the numbers plummet suddenly and steadily for twenty years. We can’t understand it."
2003 American reading levels show 54% of the population at a Basic level, with a further 38% one level below, at Incredibly Stupid and a record-high 19% forced to sign their exams by smearing their own feces on the signature line.
New Tom Clancy Novel Due...
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton 1 Comments
...within the month, says Clancy’s publicist Janice Werther. The prolific author has released a novel a year since his first in June 1984, and has watched his books sell in steadily greater numbers every year.
His latest effort, Me Honor Good Bomb Bad, is the best selling sequel to 2001’s New York Times bestseller Jack Ryan Yes Good, He is For Fight with Guns and, in Clancy's own words, will be his "most best ever yettest."
Genius.
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton
...says the National Center for Education Statistics, whose annual survey shows reading achievement at Sub-Affleck levels.
"Americans used to be excellent readers," says confused NCES Chairman Randy Moore. "Our statistics track reading achievement levels at 95%, right up until 1984." Moore presents a chart, which illustrates the sudden dramatic drop in literacity. "After June 1984, the numbers plummet suddenly and steadily for twenty years. We can’t understand it."
2003 American reading levels show 54% of the population at a Basic level, with a further 38% one level below, at Incredibly Stupid and a record-high 19% forced to sign their exams by smearing their own feces on the signature line.
New Tom Clancy Novel Due...
9.3.03 by Jay Pinkerton 1 Comments
...within the month, says Clancy’s publicist Janice Werther. The prolific author has released a novel a year since his first in June 1984, and has watched his books sell in steadily greater numbers every year.
His latest effort, Me Honor Good Bomb Bad, is the best selling sequel to 2001’s New York Times bestseller Jack Ryan Yes Good, He is For Fight with Guns and, in Clancy's own words, will be his "most best ever yettest."
Genius.
